He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
