Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
