If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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