Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
