Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
