i don't like sucking hair
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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