In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
