i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
