I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
