Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
