Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
