The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
