I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
