Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
