Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
