How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
