Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
