If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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