I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
