Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
