Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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