I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
