We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
