Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
