I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
