Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
