Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
