Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
