That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
