Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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