I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
