your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
