Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
