Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
