I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
