omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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