I'm jealous of your bromance
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
