Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
