Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
