Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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