Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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