Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
