just tell him i said nine months
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
