Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Success! We fucked roommates!
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