Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
