you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
