'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
