i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
