My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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