Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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