I can text with my tongue
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She even gives head with a lisp.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
