Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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