so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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